Balancing Act

I played Madden today for the first time in weeks. Why is this important? It isn't, and that's the point.

First lesson about grad school: It's awesome (if you are passionate about what you're studying and love it, if you don't you ain't gonna make it.).

Second lesson about grad school: It will own your life. No other way to really have it.

I remember in undergrad making complaints about professors who acted as if their class was the only class that you were taking. Well, apply this principle to grad school classes, and you begin to see what it's like. I don't really mean that as a complaint, I expected a lot of work. But that doesn't mean I like it. I love the Theology, I love learning all this stuff, I just wish it didn't dominate my life so much.

That's why balance is key. Today I have no classes, no real commitments, just the possibility of going to the Theology social at yet another random bar tonight. So today, I did something I really haven't done in a while. I relaxed. Played some Madden football, didn't think about anything for a bit. It was meaningless and stupid and a waste of time and I loved it. If I'm gonna waste time, I'd at least like to actually waste time, rather than try to be productive and waste time that way.

It's balance. For everything there is a time and a place, and it is important for me to remember that, just because I have the time to plow once again into dense theological texts, doesn't mean I necessarily should. I need to mind my own sanity, thank you very much. I have faith in God and faith that things will happen as they need to, and I don't need to spend all my time worrying about how I'm going to get things done, or even spending all my time trying to force everything to get done. It will happen when it happens. Balance.

Why am I reflecting on this right now? Simple.

I got my first paper assignment last night. 5 pages, not too bad. Due next Thursday, again, not really bad, but just an addition to the 600+ pages of reading plus the two other 1 pagers that I already had. Oh, and I also have another paper due in a month, 7 pages, which will need some outside reading in addition to what I just described here.

Thank God for Old Testament...no papers...wait, am I wrong, let me check...ok, there's a midterm paper, but that's it. Like three grades for the entire course...wonderful. But at least I get to read the other three books of the Pentateuch this weekend...

So, before I dive off the cliff of sanity into the world of Theology for the weekend, I feel that balance is important to consider here. Is a half hour of video games are equally balanced out with an entire weekend of reading and writing and thinking? In the greater scheme of things, I'd like to think so. It's about balance.

Like take a seesaw. To stay on the level of the earth, you typically need to have things on either side of the seesaw that weigh the same. Like two people. But I'm not studying things on the level of the earth. As Fr. Vacek put it, "We get to study God." And God is clearly above the earth, so if I'm going to study God, then balance for me is going to involve getting above the level of the earth. So one one side put me, and on the other side, say...the Empire State Building. Or Mount Fiji. Or my Harper Collins Study Bible. Something big like that. Balance.

Or you could look at it another way, such as keeping one's balance. Like say you're standing barefoot on a 2x4 plank on top of the mouth of an open volcano and Roger Clemens is pitching fastballs at you. It's hot, you're tired, you'd kill for something cool, oh and that a$$hold Clemens keeps hurling his steroid-powered fastballs at you. You're moving, trying your best to dodge and keep from falling into the molten hot magma below.

But you're keeping your balance. And that's something. Are you gonna eventually fall? Of course. You're barefoot on a 2x4 on top of the mouth of an open volcano with Roider Clemens throwing at you. You never had a shot. But that hasn't diminished the fight in you for those few precious moments before you descend into a fiery death below.

That's how I see the balance now. Am I going to eventually have to succumb to the fact that I'm in grad school and that come November I won't be sleeping much/well anymore? Of course. But if I try to keep my balance now, I might be able to get a few more precious moments of sanity before that occurs.

And that's what the point really is, right?

Please, someone tell me that's what the point is...

...

Well, in either case, that's how I see it. Keeping with the crazy nature of this post, here's Kashmir.

"Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed"
-Led Zeppelin "Kashmir"

P.S. By the way, if you can't tell, I'm clearly having fun with this blog thing ;) But seriously, I have a sh*t-ton of work to do. Peace.